Celebrating life stories...

Memories

 

Member of:
GriefNet.org

 

Memorial created 04-29-2015 by
Lorraine
Christian John Chandler
April 29 1990 - April 5 2015

Angels ride too

This online memorial was created in loving memory of Christian Chandler, whose life story is told throughout this memorial website. Please sign Christian's guest book and let us know you came to visit. We will remember Christian forever.

SPECIAL THANK-YOU to all who sign the guest book. I read each and everyone.

Being born with Cystic Fibrosis is a death sentence though you've committed no crime or harmed no one. Its a constant struggle just to take a breath everyday, all day. So many times he was at deaths door.

He passed away quietly. He had no Military honors funeral, No TV coverage, No news story, but he was the biggest HERO I have ever known leaving a legacy of courage and fight hard tomatch. Rest in Peace, buddy, I'll be seeing you soon.

 

Christian John Chandler would have been 25 years old TODAY. Instead of telling him Happy Birthday, through tears, we are saying Good-bye. He was my inspiration in life and in death is my Angel in Spirit. He had a heart of gold and shoulders of steel for what he had to endure for the short 24 years of his life.

Christian was born April 29,1990 and was the most beautiful baby I ever saw. He was always laughing and melting hearts. Then he was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis. He was the first born to young parents Cindy and David Chandler.

More will be added soon. Today is an emotional day for parents, family and friends of Christian. Happy Birthday, buddy. you will never be forgotten. You are out of site but never out of heart.

It has been ONE month today and seems like yesterday. The pain is just too much to bare. I miss my grandson and buddy so much. He was my reason to get up every morning.

They say one of the stages of grief is anger and I guess that's what I feel. He began not taking care of himself as he got older even after loosing a friend, Stacy, to Cf when she was 19. He was 17 and the family told him because she stopped caring for herself. This is a problem, I am told as they get older. I don't know the answer, just the pain

He was loosing hope and any chance at being happy. He didn't realize how much he was loved. He watched friends have girlfriends, college, jobs, and lost contact with most.

I moved up to be near my grandsons about 8 years ago and watched as Christian slowly went downhill. It ripped my heart out to see him so depressed and lonely. I gave him a PT Crusier, Iphones, XBoxes. money. anything he wanted, I would have sold my soul to the devil for him if I could have traded places with him to give him a life but it couldn't fill the hole he had inside him.

I NEVER heard him one time complain of CF even when he was coughing and so sick. What he did say was he just wanted to find happiness. He wanted someone he could hold and love and that would love him unconditionally. He didn't find it here, I hope he's found happiness and peace in death.

more soon, its just too difficult now. I keep hearing
time will make it easier. Time heals. I am 70 years old.
I don't have that kind of time left.

 

working at Texas Roadhouse a short time

6-10-15 I was frozen in time since Easter and nightmares of the police at the door.

 

I have no words

ANOTHER LOSS-

6-10-15 His cat for the last 2 months since he passed away has gone to his room and wants the door open. I open it for her and she goes over to his stuff in the corner of the room. She just starts wailing and howling. She spends a lot of time in his room. I know animals will mourn and howl for their loved one but did not know it last that long. She has been a rock and comfort to me. I took her to the vet today and sadly she is dying of liver cancer. Another devastating pain for me. as I say goodbye to her. I know he will be with us and waiting.

 

Christian and baby brother Justin

Christian and baby brother/Where one was the other
was. He watched over and protected his brother all his
life. He was so proud of him and said he's living my
dream. He'll live for me.

Christian was outgoing, and loved the outdoors. He tried
going snowboarding once with his brother and friends.
He loved it but it broke his heart that it was way too much
on him and he couldn't go anymore.

The family, (mother, father, brother Justin, and Christian
were in a bad car accident. Christian was thrown out of the car into a field. He had his seat belt on but I think so thin and lightweight he was pulled out. About 2 years later his got his part of a settlement and got a new dirtbike. He was on it all day everyday up and down the dirt roads out here.

 

I miss my buddy

 

My heart is broken today. I buried BooBoo his long time cat. She had longed to be with him and would lay on his shirt and cry. She is with her love now. wrapped in his shirt, then a plush pink baby blanket with a toy. No more tears, just joy over Rainbow Bridge

The tears continue. Wait for me you guys, I be there soon. Grandma

 

9-10-15 today is a sad day. Well, they all are. I am still waiting for this "time" everyone says will come and take away the pain but today I am 71 years old and no one should have to feel this kind of pain. If you have lost a close loved one, you know what I mean. I miss my buddy, I asked Christian for a sign that he is ok. If you look at the waterfall, you can see an angel. Her long black hair, face and big white wings. There's also an Orb. I know he's ok.

 

Sept 5 2015 Was 5 months Christian left us. That day, this Double rainbow appeared over the sky outside the house. The same day was his cousin's birthday. He would have been 25 years old and got killed on New Years Eve 2 years before we lost Christian. Maybe its just me but I think Christian and Jake are together and having allitle fun with us down here!!

 

The family, (mother, father, brother Justin, and Christian)
were in a bad car accident. Christian was thrown out
of the car into a field. About 2 years later his got
his part of a settlement and got a new dirt bike.
He was on it all day everyday up and down the dirt
roads out here. He was so happy to be able to ride and
be free.

He told me once he felt so free and could forget he even
had CF. He said "If I could die on my bike I'd be
happy". I think if he could have taken it in his room he's be
happy.

 

Christian- Here it is Christmas already and I miss you so much I cry every night for you. I am so happy you can breathe normal and not hurting. You hurt so much your whole life and I didn't know what was worse, watching you hurt and suffer when you were here and the loneliness and despair you had or missing you.

I wished I could close my eyes and open them in Jan. I don't want to go thru these holidays without you.

 

At Christmas 2 years ago, Christian wanted to make sugar cookies for everyone. I gave him the recipe and he began mixing all ingredients. A couple of moments later he let out a loud AHHHH....I ran in and he had turned on the mixer on high speed before blending all the mix and had decorated the walls, ceiling and himself with flour, dough and milk. We were laughing so hard. I am so sorry I did not get a picture of this. It wasn't too often you would see him laugh this hard.

He did make the cookies and they turned out so well.

 

new games

Feb 16 2016

Its been almost a year since I lost my best friend, helper, grandson, buddy and reason to live. When I think of Christian, I remember all the thousands of times we stood in line to eat someplace, or waited for tickets or at the hospital. He would start talking to strangers around him, I never saw anyone who did not smile and start talking to him and soon found they had things in common whether it was fishing, cars, beach or whatever. To him there was no strangers.

Many times we saw these people around town and they made a point to say hello to him. I'm sure these people saw his photo in the paper and said, "that's the young man I met at the store or ticket line" and saying I had no idea he was terminally ill.

How many times have we been in line or somewhere and a young person was next to us that we never said a word to. How different the world would be if we all took the time to talk to others, open a door for elderly, show love and compassion to a young man, teen, or girl. Who knows what hurt and loneliness they may be feeling.
Christian would do everyone of those things
without a second thought

Christian never told anyone he was sick. Never complained no matter what pain he was in or how depressed he was, yet he left an impression on everyone he ever met. This kid who thought he was alone, that no one cared left a legacy hard to beat evident by the many, many people and cars that were at his memorial.

God's timing is always right. I worked until I was 70 to help him and give him the things others his age have, He could not work, parents didn't have he money with the mounting medical bills. I wanted him to live as good and normal as possible knowing his time was ending. but God said, don't worry, I'll take care of him now, and he took him.

 

Hawaii bound hosptal party with nurses

April 29, 2016

Christians birthday. He would have been 26 today. Friends and family all gathered here to help make it through the night with stories and love of my buddy. I can't believe its been a year. It is like yesterday. The calendar flips, hands on the clock tick away, but the hurt doesn't move on.

Christian was so full of life. Through he struggled for every breath, he never let it stop him from what he wanted to do. From the time he was a baby, he had no fear of anything. when he was little he built a bike trailer out of wagon wheels and stuff and pulled the dog around in it. He would do trick riding on the bike.

Then it was skate boards and he was jumping and twisting and riding them down banisters around town. When he got his first dirt bike it was pedal to the medal with no fear of crashing or slowing down. He pushed everything to its limit. Including himself.

He made friends wherever he went and would have a conversation with anyone standing around in line at fast foods to carnivals all his short life. Everyone was a friend. His best friends through life was the nurses he had. Most since he was born. I don't think they even know the impact they had on him in his life. He talked about them right to the end. Happy Birthday, baby, maybe I'll see you soon!

 

Brothers- a bond death cannot break.

 

I sit on the deck looking out over the fields and roads. I can almost see him riding his dirt bike or sand buggy. Now it all sits still. Silent like they miss him too. God put his arms around him and said, "you've suffered enough", and took him home, where there is no more pain, sickness or suffering.

 

I remember Christian in grade school running down the sidewalk with his little brother to catch the school bus. They were both so cute and ran so funny. He always was looking back keeping an eye on his little brother just like he did all through life. He would always tell me how proud he was of his brother. He said he was is best friend.

 

8/27/16

I miss my little buddy so soo much! I fall asleep with tears and wake up with tears. Someday I will run towards him, give him a big hug, and never have to say good-by again. That's GOD"S promise.

God says he will personally wipe away our tears as we come into his presence where there is no more horrible diseases, sickness, pain, suffering or ever having to say good-by to our loved ones. A place where roses never fad, where streets are lined with pure gold, where our little pets will run to greet us and never hurt again.

A place with a little boy with a beautiful smile

 

Christian's Memorial Poem

Victory Is His

He'll always be our son, grandson, brother and friend
But his life with us has come to an end
We scream, we hurt, we stomp, and we cry
Just to hold him one more time

He fought a hard battle with his disease
We watched him struggle for a moments relief
The suffering he endured was long and hard
He fought with courage and strength to the final yard
The battle is over-The Victory Is His
He doesn't know how much he is loved

If you knew Christian, he would say,
I'm still here beside you ever day
You won't see me, for now I walk tall
You won't hear me, I don't cough at all
But the little whisper daily in your ear
Could just be me that you hear

So live for me and don't be sad
I can take a deep breath, I'm free at last.

 

Today is Thanksgiving. Everyone gathered at Grandma and
grandpa Chandler's, but someone was missing and my
heart was broken. I could almost see him sitting
there claiming the turkey drumstick for himself.

Tomorrow your mom and dad will take your car out of state
with them for your brother's finance to drive. I
know you would like that. They want me to move up with
them too and I think I have decided to do that. I want
to start a program, group. or just help make a wish and the CF
foundation in your name. I know they were dear to your
heart. You left a Legacy I can not fill, but maybe I
can leave a scratch somewhere to help someone.
I love you, my little buddy with the heart of Gold,
and shoulders of steel!

 

Christmas brings warm memories of 2 little brothers under
the tree. Where one was the other was always there
too. Little by little Christian got weaker and not as
active. He loved his video games and usually had to search for harder
games because he would master them so fast.

He loved to play the lotto scratch off tickets and won a
few dollars here and there. I had always wished he could
win some big money just once

He liked to collect coins and was learning about them
pretty good on what to watch for or how to tell value
levels. He was one of the smartest young persons I
knew. He could carry a conversation on just about every
subject.

He is missed more everyday than the day before but most of
all on holidays. There is missing presents under the
tree and an empty place at the table and a big
hole in my heart.

 

He loved his dirt bike. He was good at it and fearless.
Everything he did was head on not holding back any
fear of what might happen. He took jumps and the faster the better.

It was heartbreaking when he had a stroke while in the

hospital and could no longer use his hand
to squeeze the brake lever. He tried and tried
and rode anyway until he crashed it once and broke off
a piece. After that he just withdrew and accepted
it though he was always sad he had to give it up. By
this time he was getting weaker and any ride would
take a lot out of him anyway.

I had a dream last night. I was walking in a beautiful
meadow of flowers with colors I have never seen on
earth. There was a road next to it and I heard a
dirtbike roaring up. I turned and there he was- all
decked out, waving, on a red bike! I watched as he
faded off down the road.

If there's bikes in heaven, he'd be on one. Where he
has to strong hands to grip the brakes and clear lungs
so he won't tire.

 

2016/17

I can't believe another Christmas without my little buddy.
I always called him "my rock" and I know he's
still around.

I don't think he ever knew how many lives he touched
or the impact he had on those he came into contact with
If I could leave such a fraction, I would be humbled

I run into people allthe time that mention how much he
touched them. People from his Pulmonary dr to the lady
at the backery. I had a young man who I didn't know
but had seen me many times with Christian and walked
up to me and told me how bumed out he was one time and
Christian, in all his struggle, gave him courage and
hope without a thought to himself.

That's easy to see knowing how Christian was. No one
was a stranger

Well, Christian, I don't know how but another Christmas
passed and I'm still here. One less gift under
the tree and one less plate at the table. We did get
snow, lots of it. More than in the last 40 years they
say. Knowing you, you'd be trying to ride your dirtbike
in it like you did one year

I miss you so much, and I'm so tired, maybe someday soon

 

In Florida with a friend he met

March 9 2017

Its been almost two years since the world lost a
bright light and covered my heart in darkness. His
ashes are with his folks out of state. This Memorial
site is my only refuge, where I can keep his light
shinning.

Christian never knew a stranger and had a gift of
sensing when someone was hurting. Whether it be an
old soul or a young mother, he was a magnet to them
Just lending an ear, or talking to them
I heard him many times talking to someone, telling them things
will get better and they would make it through
I often wondered if I was in his shoes, being a young
teen knowing you only had a short time on earth,
If I could be a positive light to a stranger passing
on a word of hope. He makes you look at your own life
and I am ashamed. The many times I saw a sad friend
or stranger and I passed them by, too busy to take
time. Not one of those strangers knew how sick he was
If we had more shinning lights in the world, what a
different world it would be.

I am so grateful to have this Virtual Memorial Site
to keep a little of his bright light shinning
and to hear him say "we can make it, everything
will be alright.

 

Brothers celebrating birthdays

Two years ago today* my world fell apart.

My heart is still as broken as it was when you
left us. I know your not hurting, suffering and
struggling to take a breath of air, so many take
for granite.

I know I am so selfish and wished you were here. I
can almost hear you say, "we can make it" and I
cry like a baby. I am so thankful to have this site
to come talk to you and share you in death the way
you shared yourself in life. You never drew attention
to yourself and many who met you did not even know how
sick you were.

You are still with us everyday and I still find pennies
in the oddest places! I just found the one in the
middle of the kitchen counter even tho I am the only one
who lives here.
We feel such a hole in our gathering especially when
we celebrated your brothers birthday like we did
when you were here and we celebrated you both together
since you were only 1 day apart on birthdays.

I know I won't be here much longer and will be so
happy to hug you again and never let go. I know your
with the Lord because you walked with him and never
blamed him for your sickness and seemed to know
he was always close for you. Welcome home to the
place he prepared for you with no more pain, no tears,
no tubes or breathing machines, tests, needles,
operations and day after day in the hospital

I know I will see you soon, but for now, my heart
is beyond repair.

 

Swimming in Portland

Christian loved the ocean. Make A Wish sent him to Hawaii. His best thing of the trip he said was "swimming with the turtles" he said "For a while I forgot I had CF". He wasn't allowed to snorkel due to his lungs but that didn't stop him in Portland. He always pushed it to the limit, getting in all he could in one day. Make A Wish helps kids forget even for a short time the pain and suffering they endure daily. Its a lasting memory of fun and special treatment they take with them to share with the angels.

 

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